February 12, 2019 by A.S. Van Dorston

I got around to watching some of the Grammys on the DVR, and took a closer list at the full list of winners. As ridiculous and unrepresentative of the true range of music that people actually like, it’s better to have some sort of celebration of music than none at all.

Kacey Musgraves may not be quite my thing (I prefer Ryley Walker, Neko Case, Sarah Shook, and Shannon Shaw in that category), but at least her music doesn’t make me want me to stab myself in the ears like some others in the past! Plus, at least there’s some connection to a critical consensus, with her album also topping the Pazz & Jop poll, and #3 in the AOTY aggregate (Janelle Monáe was #1, Mitski #2). Nominee and winner of Best Rap Album Cardi B was #3 in Pazz & Jop and #5 in AOTY.

There’s a lot of categories, most of which were not represented in the broadcast, including for example, Bluegrass, Traditional Blues, Contemporary Blues, Folk, Spoken Word, Regional Mexican, Rropical Latin, Regional Roots, Roots Gospel, Americana, Dance/Electronic, Reggae (Sting & Shaggy, lol), tons of variations of Classical and Jazz categories, even Immersive Album (those mixed for surround sound) and New Age (I’m actually checking out New Age Album winner Opium Moon cuz I like their name). So if they’re going to get that specific and not televise them, they really ought to expand. If they have time for immersive and new age albums, I think they can make room for at the very least Traditional Metal, Extreme Metal, Prog, Psychedelic, Hard Rock, Punk, Experimental, and Avant/Art Rock & Pop for starters! Hard Rock used to be a category. Them Crooked Vultures won Hard Rock Performance in 2011 before it was discontinued.

The most satisfying result for me is seeing High On Fire win Best Metal Performance (apparently metal albums ain’t worth Grammy committee’s time). That’s cool. I wonder if Sleep shows will draw additional hordes cuz they feature Grammy Winner Matt Pike? Deceased human formerly known as Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell won Best Rock Performance over Arctic Monkeys, Halestorm and Greta Van Fleet. Not to sound glib, as I loved Cornell, but not having a hologram of his ghost performance with Ghost was a missed opportunity. I’m sure it would have been much better than Greta Van Fleet’s performance, who ended up winning Best Rock Album over Ghost. Ha ha ha, wheeeee! Most good rock these days is fairly underground so we’ll just let that slide for now.

But in the jazz categories, not a single nomination for Kamasi Washington or Makaya McCraven? No sign of other exciting new-ish talents drawing attention to jazz like Sons Of Kemet, Idris Ackamoor & The Pyramids, Ezra Collective and Maisha? That’s pretty tone deaf ignoring the younger talent who clearly have made a big impact. Do better next year, Grammys.

Another good thing, scion of Afrobeat, Seun Kuti & Egypt 80 was nominated for Best World Music Album. That’s something. I’m unfamiliar with winner Soweto Gospel Choir, but Fatoumata Diawara made the top 15 of my Global list. Along with High On Fire, probably the only connections between the Grammys and Fast ‘n’ Bulbous.

Also what’s up with giving the Best Alternative Music Album award to Beck for his 2017 album Colors, by far his weakest album ever? That’s just dumb. I would say I’d have expected to see something like Idles, Lucy Dacus or Courtney Barnett in there but no, I expect very little from the Grammys.

It doesn’t have to be that way. There could be more transparency about who is on the Grammy committee, and have more flexibility for making changes to improve the awards to better reflect the vast scope of music that exists in the world. Let’s see Motorpsycho and Spidergawd nominated for Best Hard Rock Album next year!

Guest contributor Hermi Flagelnack recommends this approach for the Grammys to be more convincing of their unending passion for music, a Choonatarium competition along the lines of The Masked Singer, but the artists don’t have to suffer the indignities of dressing in furry costumes. Or do they…?

The artists can duke it out live and see who comes out as champion. Imagine the grandeur! The splendor! The pageantry! The sauce of weakness (for some). It would take weeks! 24/7 coverage on the all-new Grammy Battle Channel. Now THAT’S an award show!

How many reproductive organs do I have to tickle to make this happen? I got time.

Is the monster on The Masked Singer Lenny Kravitz? That “American Woman” cover was almost exactly the same as his! Or maybe Seal? The most probable likelihood is T-Pain, who actually is a badass singer without auto-tune, and sounds very much like the Monster. Yep, this is the first reality show I’ve been sucked into since the sole season of The Next Great American Band in 2007. I kinda wanna cuddle the Monster. How awkward and weird would it be if he turned out to be R. Kelly?!