Track Listing:
1. GOODNIGHT
2. Melody Burnout
3. Decompression Blues
The people of the planet Tangaree are a merry, fun-hearted bunch with a love for music. Unfortunately, they lack the ability to actually make any kind of music at all. They just aren’t wired to understand how music works, so it remains a wonderful and baffling mystery to them. What they are wired for, however, is a full understanding of the construct of time. Scientifically. Just not at all in a rhythmically creative kind of way. Their knowledge of time is so advanced that they managed to break the time barrier and were ultimately able to build engines that ran on the pressure and forces of time itself. A technological wonder.
What excreted from these engines was music. It was the first time Tangaree had ever heard such a thing, and they instantly fell in love with this new enchantment. Everywhere on Tangaree, time engines were constructed so no one would have to live without this wonderful new addiction.
Unless something were to happen to an engine to cause a malfunctioning melody. That would be extremely unfortunate.
With these new and exciting engines came new and exciting space traveling vessels called timecrafts. With these machines, it suddenly became possible for the Tangareens to visit their nearest star system, the Marzipan System if they, say, needed to borrow some sugar or something.
Enter the Consouled, a three stage timecraft able to reach the Marzipan System in under an hour, singing its happy little melody all the way there to ensure that the staff could keep on dancing and never get bored or grumpy. A happy Tangareen is an efficient Tangareen, or so they say.
The Consouled was selected as the craft to return some sugar they had previously borrowed, along with a thoughtful and thoroughly sincere thank you note displaying their gratitude for such generosity.
Everything was going fine until they started the engine. The notes were somber and long, not like the joyous melodies it usually made. The crew were a bit puzzled.
“Sure does make me sleepy,” offered the lead mechanic. “What if the craft just wants us to doze through the first stage of the flight. Y’know, so we can relax for a bit,” he suggested to the captain.
“Hmm… could be. Unusual, but maybe. Okay, we’ll nap for the first 12 minutes so we can be alert for the remaining 45 or so minutes.” With that, the captain issued the order of “GOODNIGHT” to the crew and they all slept for 12 or so minutes to rest up before the on-board dance party.
The captain was removed from his slumber by the ship’s lead mechanic, Fontaine, with an alarming and upsetting message.
“Sir, we seem to have a problem with the engine. We have experienced a “Melody Bournout”, and as such the engine is stuck in ambient mode.”
“What the shit, Fontaine! You know how much we depend on that Melody Drive! Frog dammit! (They worship an amphibious deity named Frog, and some of the more surly of the Tangareens will use Its name in vain during a moment of frustration). Where is my music? What about the dance party! How can we possibly not become bored and frustrated now? You’ve doomed us all! Damn you, Fontaine! Frog damn you straight to Slarp! (I have no idea what Slarp is). What are we supposed to do for the next 45 minutes?”
“Well, we could talk and tell stories. Y’know, like in old-time days.”
“As if! NO! I need you to get down there and force that unwilling beast into making music for us! NOW!”
“Sir, I don’t think that…”
“NOW, Fontaine! Frog dammit! MOVE!”
So Fontaine and his crew set about to make the Consouled sing again. Occasionally they could hear the Melody Drive begin to turn over, but always in vain, leaving only a ghostly residue of sound that didn’t sound the least bit dancy in any way.
Over the drone of the engine, the mechanics could hear crying and shouting throughout the ship. “The joy has departed! I can’t take anymore!” was declared by one and the plea of “Why? Dear Frog, Why?” was demanded by another. At last, one of the mechanics screamed out, “I always fucking hated Frog damn sugar!!” (Whew, extra surly)
“What if we burned the sugar and beat it with sticks?,” suggested another mechanic. “Will that make the music live again?”
“Well, we gotta do somethin’,” responded Fontaine. “Let’s go!”
On the way to the cargo hold, the level of panic and despair could be seen first hand. People were running blindly through corridors and tripping over those weeping madly in fetal positions. The Tangaree had never known such a soul tearing experience. It was an epidemic of insanity.
The mechanics did not have the luxury of going insane. As the last chance of hope, they had a job to do, so they carried on with their mission of sugar burning. The sugar blaze was immense and the beating unleashed on the sticky inferno was legendary, but it yielded no danceable rhythm or melody. They were stuck in ambient mode. Seemingly forever. And now the entire ship was all stanked up somethin’ fierce. As an added insult, the smoke from melted sweet goo worked its way into the engine and resulted in a loss of compression.
“Ohhhhhh, goood,” sighed Fontaine.
The disheartened engine staff made their way to report to the captain about the loss of power, along with the fact that something seemed to happen to the sugar that clearly they had nothing to do with.
Upon hearing that the third stage, which would normally be about 12 minutes, like the first stage, would now take a spirit crushing 44 minutes, the captain merely replied, “I don’t even care anymore. I just…. I’m just gonna stare at my feet. You may go. Or stay. Either way, what’s the point?”
A malaise of “Decompression Blues” began to spread amongst the crew of the Consouled and many did not fare well. Upon its eventual arrival, about half of ship’s crew died of boredom. An unimaginable tragedy. To make matters worse, the sugar that was supposed to be returned was now just a smouldering heap of stanky yuck and the once thoughtful and heart-warmingly sincere thank you note almost entirely burned up in the fire, leaving only a message that read “k you”.
Trade relations between the Tangareens and the Marzipan System has never been the same.
