February 14, 2006 by A.S. Van Dorston

For those of you who hate Valentine’s Day, take comfort in the fact that it’s a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking.

Today isn’t for prim little love notes written on Hallmark cards. At its most civilized, men would pass a billet to his object of desire that suggests a secluded place to rendezvous. Not to exchange chocolates, but to mate. February is for mating.

Hearkening back to Prehistoric times, the ancient Greeks and Romans celebrated the annual Lupercali festival in which a tribesman with an affinity for communicating with wolves would protect the livestock, and sometimes turn into a wolf himself. Elaborate ancient blooding rites involved slaying a goat that represented the flocks that nourished early nomadic humans, followed by the sacrifice of a dog, the first line of defense in protecting flocks against wolves. Goat and dog blood are mixed, a knife is dipped in and drawn across the foreheads of two noble children, the gore wiped off with wool dipped in goat milk, and voila, they’re protected from wolves.

Then the fun begins. The god Lupercus commands men to behave as wolves during the festival. Sniffing butts, hunting, mating. For centuries, the Luperci observed an annual ritual of chasing women through the streets of Roman cities and beating them with leather thongs. Scholars generally agree that such a violent expression of eroticism celebrated the ancient behavior of primitive hunting tribes corraling captive women. Amazingly, this was actually toned down from the earliest Luperci who actually tore flesh with their teeth. Eventually, Romans became a bit more sophisticated and would simply bind the lady of his choice to his wrist.

One can see why the early church fathers frowned upon the worship of the leering wolf gold Lupercus. But to those who feel the Christianized holiday has become too commercial and inspid, at least there’s an ancient alternative that has more BITE. Go ahead and wish someone a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens. T-shirts will be available for next year. More.

Posted in: Rants